I can’t believe you’re gone…

When I was a child, you always seemed immortal. You were my hero, a knight in shining armor, who could do no wrong. How many times did you wipe away my tears when I cried? Hold me in your arms to comfort me? Tell me tales of honor and virtue as I drifted off to sleep?

Heron, but it seems so long ago now, a lifetime away. When all I had to be…all I ever had to be, was your little girl. And in every dream I had, you were always there, always beside me, always ready to rescue me. There was never a future that you weren’t a part of.

Except for this one.

Raymond has returned to us. He tried so hard to live up to you, he truly did. Escobar will be a father himself, soon. He still tries to pretend he doesn’t care. Klio, your baby…everyone’s baby, has followed after Mother. You would be so proud of her. And Leo…at least he and I still have each other, if we have nothing else.

And sometimes it seems like we have nothing else.

As for me, I have failed you. I have failed myself. Leo speaks of a love that will overcome every obstacle. And I wanted it. I wanted to fill the space you had left, and so I married a man whose love destroyed me. And now he seeks to destroy our family, our home.

Oh, Father, forgive me.

I have sent my daughter to you, stillborn in my womb, for you to love as you loved me. Little Faythe. They tell me I am barren now. That perhaps I always was. The only grandchild I will ever bear you is in your keeping. Only Mother knows. I don’t think I could handle how the others would treat me, if they knew. It is bad enough that I see the barely concealed sympathy and concern each time we speak. More, and I think I should drown beneath it.

I have chosen to follow in your footsteps, instead. To give my life to the King to do with as he sees fit. I am squired to Leo, and I will one day be a knight of the realms or die trying.

And dying wouldn’t be so terrible. I would see you again, I would have you with me. I would be your little girl and nothing else.

…I miss you, Father.

Alisa Rionique Solsword